Professional Mediocrity

I have a hard time not taking equine anger personally. The last couple times I’ve ridden Louie in my lesson he has had his grumpy pants on and last night was no exception.

Take my blanket off=mad; touch my muddy chest with that curry comb=mad; tighten girth=mad; scrub my sweaty neck with that towel=mad; duck under my head to delicately hand pick the embedded, concrete shit out of my other foot=mad.

Look Louie, I get it. I have the 6:15 lesson. I arrive right at dinner time and snatch you from your num ย  nums and then put you in cross ties where you have to listen to everyone else munching. I know. I’m an ass.

But then we get into the arena and you are no longer mad. You just cannot be bothered. You’re like me when I was an athlete: loads of talent, flashes of brilliance- but practices are BORRRRING and you offer me the bare minimum effort for every single thing.

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We spend my entire lesson trying to get you put your hips directly behind your shoulders and to stop throwing them around everywhere. You tie me up in knots trying to keep you straight and the mantra “sit tall” repeats in my head but poorly translates to my body. All of this at a snails pace as we shuffle around the arena. I try so so hard not to nag you with my leg aids but pretty please stop shuffling your back feet…seriously, you are digging a trench in the sand. Finally you offer a modicum of impulsion and I am ecstatic. Our transitions don’t look quite as much like we are emerging from quicksand, and we are no longer careening drunkenly around corners. Our trainer only has to tell me four times (which is less than usual) to bend my right knee since near the end of our lessons it tends to stiffen up and become useless. I dismount and you get to pee in the arena sand, which I know you love.

I can’t say it was bad lesson, just nothing particularly groundbreaking. Louie received a cookie for his…well whatever that was, and then proceeded to pin his ears at the entire cooling process.

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You know what, bruh? Mad face back at you!


….for 5min then I love you again.


Sigh. ‘Tis the season?





8 thoughts on “Professional Mediocrity

    • My trainer assured me he’ll get clipped soon since her big clippers got fixed. Maybe he is uncomfortable? I dunno, at the very least it will reduce the grumpy glares he gives me after my rides since it won’t take so long to cool him out. Fingers crossed.

    • srsly. I’m not asking for the moon.
      I have the two extremes right now: a horse that is sweet and dopey on the ground and a tyrant in the saddle and one that spends the whole time on the ground now glaring at me like I beat him and then under saddle he’s like “oh hey, little human, did you say something?”

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