After learning that Tyco’s navicular issues are likely going to take quite a bit of time to address, we’ve all decided that my lease has effectively ended. Thanks for everyone’s support- I know he isn’t mine and I know he will be happy and well taken care of, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t difficult for me, so thanks for being there.
But, EquiNovice, it’s only been like a month, so not that big of a deal, right?
Right you are! If only I could manage to listen to my own advice not to get emotionally attached. Tyco is great, and yes, I ate my feelings for one night dealing with the loss of him. Not such a huge deal. The problem is that I am far too in love with the idea of leasing. The loss of my lease and the thought of having to start over with the whole process of finding a good horse; a good owner; within my area; is not really something I planned on having to do monthly.
The dressage trainer who helped organize this lease emailed me the other day mentioning a couple of leads she had on other leases. One was to get back in touch with Charlie’s owner and the other was another horse at the same facility as Charlie. Less than ideal. I don’t think I burned the bridge when I told Charlie’s owner I was choosing another horse but, as longtime (lol 2 months ago) readers will recall, the lease on Charlie was going to be a month-to-month, temporary scenario anyway.
I was struggling when I read that email. Here she was helping me network to find a new lease and I had more than one moment of “I don’t want to do this anymore”. I don’t mean riding in general, but in this exact moment, I am on the fence about leasing. I replied and thanked her for the leads but I told her I might need to take a break. It is emotionally taxing and I am a little exhausted after all of this.
Then I had my lesson last night.
One of those “can’t-eat, can’t-sleep, reach-for-the-stars, over-the-fence, World Series” kind of lessons. You get ten points if you know that movie reference. It took me hours to come back down from the runner’s high it gave me. Maybe Louie could tell that I needed a win. Trainer was pleased, I was trippin’ balls. ENDORPHINS. (so what if I had to urban dictionary that)
I wouldn’t say my delicious lesson changed my mind on the lease break quite yet, but it did provide some clarity. I can still make progress in my lessons. I am not going to forget how to ride or backslide dramatically. I know it will be extra work when I do decide to search for a lease again because leads will have gone cold, but I am okay with that. I don’t know how long this break will last and there is no reason to define it. If something comes along, I’ll evaluate the fit and decide but I am taking a break from actively searching for a new lease at least until morale improves.
I am going with my friends to watch some dressagin’ this weekend at a local show. It will be good medicine!