I’m going to try to resurrect this blog for a pretty selfish reason but hopefully it can serve an interesting general purpose as well. Several bloggers I have followed for years have recently purchased young horses. We are all riding different disciplines, ride at different levels, and each of our young horses are very unique individuals but I’m searching for connection in the experience.
I have found myself scraping in the dark for solidarity. It’s one of the things that has been most comforting to me in this whole process. When I read raw, real posts on your blogs whether successes or low moments in bringing along your young horses, I connect and it brings me some peace. I’d like to add my experiences to encourage that connection.
Often accused of being too cynical, my level of realism can make me come off as a negative person. I’m really not though, it’s just a defense mechanism. I’m in this process right now at the very lowest point, where I feel the most vulnerable. So, naturally I’m feeding my doubts because if I say it right now at the start, that this is going to fail miserably, if that happens, then at least I was “right” as a consolation prize for having made a mistake. I know that’s a little silly, but it protects my fragile psyche. I haven’t learned to fail gracefully yet.
Very deep in the back of my mind, behind that protective cynical wall, is where I allow myself to hope and dream. The reason for this blog series, as it exists “behind the wall” is to create a memento to look back on someday with pride and even get to laugh at how difficult it all seemed at the time on the road to shaping my perfect partner. Back here, I found the diamond in the rough, I made the good investments, and above all, I trusted my gut with a big decision and it never let me down. I maintain the hope that I will find a way to enjoy the training journey. I also hope the series might help somebody else going through the same thing.
I’ve been confronting a significant amount of anxiety since I got Bravo. It wasn’t intentional- I thought finally having a horse of my own would be the best way to reduce my stress by expanding my commitment to and supporting one of my greatest passions and emotional outlets. I should have seen that adding to my plate, even a positive stressor, was still adding. I thought I could handle it, but my plate was awfully full already and buying Bravo has put things over the edge. Maybe writing about the training process can help me process these emotions in a healthier way. It’s worth a try!
That’s enough soul-baring for now.
Stay tuned for Episode 1 of Bringing Up Bravo: Taking it From the Top