I’m excited but I’m nervous.
Nothing is happening.
I’m worried but yolo.
Please stop getting ahead of yourself. Why are you having any emotions?! There is nothing actually happening here.
I’m lost but I’m hopeful, baby
What it all comes down to
Is that everything’s gonna be fine, fine, fine.
Oh good god….pathetic.
This year was an interesting one for me and instead of doing a review of my year, I thought I’d just repeat history for you- live!
So here we are, well into January, and almost exactly around this time last year was the very beginning of this epic fustercluck. I had all the feelings because I had two potential leases on the table and was going to have to make a decision. Much hand-wringing ensued and a decision was made! I leased the little gray dressage horse and had fun, fun, fun, until mommy took my T-bird away.
Are you having a stroke? …
I truly did have a blast riding Tyco but sometimes I wonder if I’d have been better off never choosing this lease. On the one hand: I was riding four days a week and I was happy; On the other hand: being too high, dropped me pretty low. My mistake was not mentally factoring in the other parts of the equation. I thought the situation would be longer term so when T’s owner had to move him home with her not even two months later- I broke. I handle my shit pretty well on the outside so no one really knew (and truthfully, it even surprised me) how deeply the situation affected me. Conveniently around the same time frame, work started to get…different. That’s what Minnesotans say when they don’t like something: “that’s different”. So work got very different and then my only outlet got cut back to once a week at most. There were months where I only got to ride once. This is a heavy load to bear when it’s not your choice to cease an activity. Logic says “just find another lease!” but logic clearly doesn’t live in this area. All in all, 2015 was a bit of a bummer.
Emo pizza cuts itself. Get over yourself, this is 2016!
I am back on track and in good spirits leading into the new year. I am making no resolutions or horse related goals at this point, but I have chosen to focus on wellness this year- in all of its facets.
Tonight my lesson may or may not be a special one as I may or may not be trying a horse that I may or may not lease. Also, the blogosphere is a very kind, small, network and I have been given details on another potential lease.
I know that you’ve hurt in the past, but if you want it, here’s my heart, no strings attached!
What?! inner monologues like to have a little fun too.
It may seem like I really am back where I started a year ago, but things have changed now, and I have very healthy perspective that I did not have last year. Right now, I am just going to let things play out a little. Don’t worry, I won’t need as much hand holding this time around. In fact, I think it’s best if this is the most I say on the matter for a while.
Right! Because, again, nothing is happening.
Just know there is some behind-the-scenes action going on in the EquiNovice realm and you all will be the first to know if, indeed, anything actually happens!!